he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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