Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
