Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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