How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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