I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
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sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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