dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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