oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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