I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
