I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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