I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Welp...herpes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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