i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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