i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
