can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
