The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
