It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
