I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
