Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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