hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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