i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
