my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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