So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
