she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This baby is an asshole
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ok first of all what the fuck
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
