I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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