Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
