That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
