i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
