Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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