This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
