tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize