I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
