How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
