his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
