So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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