you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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