i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
