My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
smell my finger.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
