Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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