EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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