remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
