I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
