Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
