just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
