Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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