do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
