My liver just broke up with me...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
