Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
