Kiss
Puke
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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