you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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