I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
