don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
