he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
