my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
