1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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