why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize