I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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