i just wanna soil my oats bro
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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