maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
