I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
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I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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