i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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