I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
where am i from again
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
