u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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