do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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