I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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