Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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