omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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