And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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