I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
