You're completely useless in the revolution.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
